3 Words with a BIG Impact.
There are 3 words that when I hear them, they stand out more than any others.
They can be coming from a place of good intention, but it doesn’t always feel that way.
In fact, our energy often drops when these words are directed towards us.
These words often carry the energy of expectation and assumption.
Each one of these words are a form of fear at some level, although not always our own fear.
So what are these words…………
No. 1 YOU SHOULD.....
I hear this often and the feeling behind it resonates with the message of …
'Not enough' in some way or 'you are doing it wrong'.
OR
‘It would be better if I was someone other than my true self and I ‘could’ be if I ‘would’ just follow what someone else thinks and tells me to do.
The intention of ‘you should’ is usually aimed to be inspiring and offering a solution (even when we haven’t asked for one).
The other person is offering what they think or believe is best for us. But are they really listening and tuning in to us……..? Or just waiting for an opportunity to talk and feel like they can fix us?
When we use ‘I should’ towards ourselves, it is the same impact, we are not coming from what makes our heart sing or what we are passionate about, but what we think would be the ‘right’ thing, (but for who)?
When other’s offer me a ‘you should’ statement now, I understand that it is just their perspective, their life experience, or something they would like to fulfill themselves, it actually has very little or nothing to do with me.
Now when people say ‘You should…..” I just say ‘thank you’ and continue listening to my heart.
What are the other words…..
No. 2&3 - WOULD & COULD
These two words are a little more subtle but often carry similar energy, that
IF YOU WOULD just…… then you would be a good person.
IF YOU COULD………… If we could then we probably would……
So what is stopping us?
Is it our own fear that stops us from what we could do but don’t?
Is it another person wanting us to be someone/something else and we are not up for that?
If we choose to use the word COULD, it can be re-framed to ask and enquire, What could you do about that? What is possible for you?
Then wait and listen………………?
So how can we have supportive conversations?
BE curious! Enquire about the other person further!
Rather than offering a solution, allow them space to talk and just listen. Often by talking something through we find the answer in ourselves.
There is definitely a time to offer guidance, support and wisdom. This offer is often well placed through the enquiry of what’s possible and exploring together. It is a totally different space, a place where magic and connection is created.
Connecting with our inner knowing is such a gift. It is important that we let others know we are there if needed, but often what is really required is to be able to say what we need to out aloud and hear ourselves too. Considering that we usually have the answers in us already, it is very empowering to be witness to this in others and also for ourselves. Knowing we don’t need to rely on outside validation and sources but our own inner knowing.
Bringing awareness to our words and intentions
Being aware when we use these words (should, would, could) towards ourselves and others, it creates an opportunity to ask ourselves why we feel the need to tell others or ourselves, what we ‘should’ do. See where that leads.
See how you go being aware of these words if you are directing them to others or they are being directed towards you, or if they are in your vocabulary at all.
If you are finding relating to others or even how you talk to yourself is an area that you'd like to explore or transform, I can support you with this. There are many emotions that rise from 'not feeling we are enough' which keep us attached to old beliefs and patterns, yet we can let them go.
Please connect with me for a chat or to make an appointment sonja@innerpurpose.com.au or 0407 558 216 to explore further and allow those old beliefs to stay in the past.
With Love & Gratitude Sonja Leon Inner Purpose
Awaken your Inner Happiness, Be the Light for yourself & others
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