'How The Need To Be Right, Can Hinder Our Healing'
When challenges occur in life between people it can be easy for us to tell the other person what they need to do to change or how to change the situation and make it ‘right’. If only they would just do as we advise, life would be so much better, we know it, so why don’t they just do it?
Being right all the time, has become the default for some people, it protects them, when they are right, then there is nothing that they have to look at about themselves, their story or beliefs or emotional triggers. There is nothing that requires change or a change in perspective for them.
However, no matter how difficult the situation might be, by only offering to be ‘right’ or giving ‘good’ advice all the time, it makes it very difficult to move forward and find a path forward together.
When our need to be ‘right’ outweighs our need to heal or to find a resolution together, we stay stuck in the situation or in our frustration of being right, but not feeling heard, acknowledged or seen.
What if when this occurs…….
It could be seen as an opportunity to step away from being 'in' the situation and look at it from all perspectives.
By stepping into the different view point(s) of the situation or into the ‘other person’s shoes’, we get the opportunity to 'look at' the situation, see and feel from their perspective, their fears, guilt, shame, frustrations and blame and that opens up the ability to acknowledge them, their view point and their struggle.
We don’t have to like it or even take it on, but by acknowledging the situation from the other persons perspective, we can often find and offer compassion to the person or situation and ourselves. When we come from compassion we can open up the possibility to acknowledge what we need, while also understanding what they believe, what emotion is driving them to behave the way they do? This can be a very supportive experience for both parties.
When we acknowledge others, we start to acknowledge ourselves differently as well. Often in these situations we are being driven by the same emotions as the other person - fear, guilt, shame, blame or frustration, etc. However, we’re just reacting differently.
We All Have Our Own Answers Inside Of Us
By viewing the situation from our heart space and asking ‘What is the highest good I can do right now?’ – it will feel very different from before and and the intention on how to progress will feel different also. From here, looking at the situation rather than being in it, we may be guided to enquire more, ask questions rather than give advise. We may be guided to set stronger boundaries (for ourselves and others), so everyone knows what we will and will not accept. Sometimes it is removing our energy from the situation, maybe not completely, but enough to give the other person space to work out what they are willing to do and for us to remove being so invested in it. This can feel really difficult especially if it impacts us daily, but.....
if nothing changes nothing changes.
It’s not about leaving the relationship or friendship, we can be a support and also create support and boundaries for ourselves as well.
We ALL do what we believe or feel capable of at the time, so even though ‘we may know 'better' until we feel and believe differently, we are unlikely to change. Doing what is right for ourselves, may not be what is right for someone else. They too need to shift how they feel emotionally about a situation or belief before they can create change, no matter how ‘right’ we might be. That part is up to the individual.
If you need further support with either letting go of some aspect(s) of life that you feel are holding you stuck or depleted or you would like to focus on your future and would like support to bring that in with further clarity, I can support you with that as well.
Please connect with me, Sonja on 0407 558 216, firstname.lastname@example.org or InnerPurpose.com.au to book a session directly.
Until next time we connect
Big Love and Hugs
With Love & Gratitude Sonja Leon Inner Purpose
Awaken your Inner Happiness, Be the Light for yourself & others